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Absence is really what I’m experiencing right now, in a profound way. An absence of people, an absence of physical intimacy, an absence of routine. An absence of the reliable avenues for feeling joy. An absence of my partner - my girlfriend is currently in North Carolina, unsure of where she actually lives and reasonably spooked to come into NYC anytime soon. The streets are absent of strangers, and I assume the subways are absent of bodies, of noises. But in the few moments of profound levity I’ve felt in the last week or so I have felt so much rushing back, too, really a deluge of warmth and affection. I’m scared for the far-reaching implications but I also can’t help but be at least a little optimistic of the world that emerges after. Bolder, kinder, tighter circles and fiercer recognition of the cracks in the walls.

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from My Big Break - volume 1, released July 16, 2020

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Ben Seretan Climax, New York

**ECSTATIC JOY**

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